o. I haven't been posting or updating. What can I say? I'm very bz and school is very demanding. As always, I am stressed and tired. I feel as if there's always something eating away in the back of my mind (school-related) that makes me feel anxious and nauseous and I can't ever feel 100% at peace. For example, I still haven't told my mom that I'm going to be taking summer classes (because I actually have to in, since I started clinical during spring semester and I need to catch up to graduate on time anyway) and the tuition bill is due in 3 weeks. My school is extremely expensive and I don't even know how I'm going to pay for it. I get extremely stressed out during midterm/finals weeks and during that time right before another semester of school begins when I have to pay my tuition bill. o, did I mention that I also get really anxious when I check my email and right before studying for and taking tests? So yeah, I guess you could say that I am just stressed/anxious all the damn time. On top of that, now that I've been taking nursing classes and learning about the human body and all the shit that can go wrong with it, I find that I get a little paranoid about every little thing. Things that have never bothered me before, like cankersores, exposed cuts, and even just germ build-up on my hands. I feel the need to purell my hands every time I touch any and everything now; it's fucking ridiculous! So about an hour ago, I was washing my hands and I looked up at the mirror and noticed a slight dull pain on my neck, so I lightly palpated (aka touched -- look at me using fancy medical jargon now hehehehe; I'm such a fag LOL) it and felt something there. In my HAP (Health Assessment and Promotion) class, I learned that you shouldn't be able to feel your lymph nodes, but I could feel a small..mass (? idk, I'm not 100% sure how to describe it) there that I'm pretty sure is a lymph node. I also have this cankersore under my tongue for a few days now, and it hurts like a bitch. I'm so paranoid; I fear that I might have oral cancer or some serious shit wrong with me. Should probably get that checked out. 

So that's the school/personal/health aspect of how I've been recently. As for my relationships, there's good and bad -- my friendship with close friends (not all ofc) seems to be dwindling down to nothing each month, or every time that I speak to them. There's not even a set time frame that I can use to "measure" the rate at which our friendship diminishes. It's just like, every time that I do get the chance to have any sort of interaction with them, the interactions get shorter and shorter, and by the end of it, I just can't help but think "Damn, we used to be so close. What happened? I don't even know this person anymore." And if you've been reading my blog posts, then you probably find my bitching and moaning about friends who drift away from me annoying as hell by now, and I'm sorry, but it just bothers me. These people barely make the effort to stay in my life and they don't even really notice or care that we don't spend time together anymore. When I am finally free to make the first move to initiate any type of hang-out or interaction with them, they always tell me that they're too bz doing other things, but then I find out that they had time to hang out with someone else or had time to do something else that's just as trivial, if not more. And to be honest, that kinda shit annoys me to the point where it kinda pisses me off and now I feel as if a part of me that cares about them died lol. On the bright side though, I think that my romantic relationship is going smoothly and my boyfriend makes me really happy. Sometimes I can't believe how far along we've come, especially when I think back to how unsteady our relationship first started out and compare that to how great things are now, in terms of communication and just making time for each other and making things work despite being so far apart. So yeah, my life hasn't all gone to shit because no matter how shitty my day is, at the end of it all, there's still that one person who I can look forward to coming home to and count on to console me and make me feel better. ^v^ ♥ What can I say? I'm in love.