October 8, 2012
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Wtf is wrong with me?
Even now, I hate myself for wanting to reach out to you when I am sad. And it's ironic because you make me sadder when I think about how you wouldn't give two shits about me even if I did. It's a vicious cycle, this thing that I wish was a real friendship. From the very beginning, it was just me who really thought of you as a best friend, wasn't it? You'd say that I'm yours too, but you'd never do anything that proved it. When I get sick of it, I'd confront you and you'd be confused and ask me why I'm so upset with you. Sometimes you'd give me excuses, tell me pretty lies. I know they're lies, but I let myself believe them because I wanted to believe that they're true. Sometimes when it gets really bad and I feel really lonely, I'd have dreams of you comforting me, and when I wake up I feel even sadder. I ask myself why I'm so attached to you and I drift back to a time when you were actually there for me. The truth is, I'm just living in the past and the person that I think of as my best friend probably doesn't even exist because I made him up. The saddest part is, I can't even be angry with you because the "you" that I hold so dear is just a figment of my fucking imagination.
Comments (3)
Good friends are so hard to find. More than that, people change, and are constantly doing so. People drift apart, and sometimes you just have to let it happen. Sometimes it's for the best. Even if you're lonely now, maybe this means someone else will step up to the plate or show up in your life unexpectedly. Keep your head up!
your friend lied to you about being your best friend? first is this really a friendship or more or do you feel more for him than he for you?
somewhere in this I get the feeling you hold things in until you've exploded things on him, but maybe you just don't have the chance to give to him little by little?
somewhere in this, I would wanna give this guy the benefit of the doubt and hope at some point you both can see things eye to eye, even if the conclusion is that you aren't as close as you would like it to be
@tictact0e0 - Nah. He didn't lie, not really. It's just wishful thinking on my part, I guess.